"OH HELL AGAIN!" ('23) for puppet and mask

characters:

Don Juan - a Spanish libertine

Statue of Don Gonzalo - whom Don Juan murdered, father of Dona Ana



Don Juan leans upon a rock, looking bored. Behind him is the statue of Don Gonzalo.

DON GONZALO
(looks at Don Juan)
Well, Don Juan, how do you enjoy Hell?

DON JUAN
(turns to him slowly)
Que? Hablas en serio?

DON GONZALO
Of course. As I represent the one you murdered, ensuring your place here, it is of interest to me how your damnation is coming along.

DON JUAN
Por que hablas ingles?

DON GONZALO
(laughs)
Those damned Christians are always spewing Latin at the rebellious ones cast into the Pit, so they don't use any of the Latin languages anymore,
and get angry if they hear it. Same goes for the Arabic ones.

DON JUAN
Well, who knew devils could be so sensitive.

DON GONZALO
Humans are far more vicious to their own kind than any devil.

DON JUAN
Why I could never settle down into the conformity. I saw so much cruelty.

DON GONZALO
Oh, come now Don Juan. You yourself could be cruel, and selfish.

DON JUAN
Ha! Who are you to judge Commodore?! You were very much of the established order.

DON GONZALO
(laughing)
I brought you to Hell, but though I have the appearance of Don Gonzalo, I am but a supernaturally animated statue.

DON JUAN
Y que? Why should I care?

DON GONZALO
I am a representative of justice.

DON JUAN
(looking at him, sarcastically)
Oh, perdoname.

DON GONZALO
I would have thought you would be spending more time excersing your lusty loins.

DON JUAN
Dios mio! The women here are either cold-blooded whores, or even colder self-righteous viejo conos secos.

DON GONZALO
(laughs)
Being a whore yourself I would think the former would be your kind.

DON JUAN
(puffing up)
I am a man! It is natural for a man to conquer a woman's chastity, just as
it is natural for a woman to hold on to it dearly.

DON GONZALO
(chuckles sardonically)
Oh, what a blind thing is the male ego.

DON JUAN
That is the way of men and women.

DON GONZALO
And what of hermaphrodites?

DON JUAN
Que barbaridad! They are unnatural!

DON GONZALO
How is that since they happen in nature?

DON JUAN
The devils are always perverting nature.

DON GONZALO
(amused)
You humans are always blaming devils for what you don't understand.

DON JUAN
Ay! Do they not tempt humans away from God?

DON GONZALO
(winces, looking around)
Do stop mentioning Him! His presence is very much absent here.

DON JUAN
Clearly.

DON GONZALO
Who needs Him anyway!

DON JUAN
The servile, and the rebellious angels.

DON GONZALO
And who do you rebel against?

DON JUAN
Society.

DON GONZALO
Ha! You just can't keep your hands off of women.

DON JUAN
Which, I gather, is why I am here.

DON GONZALO
Despite what religion claims there is nothing wrong with sex.
But the holy judges your habit of seduction and abandonment, not
to forget him whom you murdered.

DON JUAN
That pompous old general? What loss was he?

DON GONZALO
He died trying to protect his daughter.

DON JUAN
(laughs heartily)
He failed miserably.

DON GONZALO
(quietly)
And you succeeded.

DON JUAN
(pridefully puffing up)
Indeed I did.

DON GONZALO
And what became of her?

DON JUAN
I do not know, nor do I care. She gave me pleasure, then I moved on.

DON GONZALO
There, you see, cruel and selfish.

DON JUAN
Bah! I can not settle down. I must keep moving. Ever forward.

DON GONZALO
And where did it get you?

DON JUAN
(sadly)
No time to get bored.
(beat)
Till now.

DON GONZALO
Do you not feel you have wasted your life?

DON JUAN
They write poems about me. I have been played on the stage, dramatically and
musically.

DON GONZALO
And so? What does that amount to?

DON JUAN
Immortalidad!

DON GONZALO
And if you had to do all over again? What then?

DON JUAN
I would do it all the same. Vivi! I lived. Right or wrong, even both, I lived.
By my own rules. And what, now I pay the price? So be it!

DON GONZALO
Bravo!
(laughs heartily)
I like you Juan. Rascal that you are, I like you.

DON JUAN
Gracias, amigo. Shall we be amigos, then?

DON GONZALO
Indeed, we will. Shall we wander this endless plain?

DON JUAN
Certainly!

DON GONZALO
(lowering his voice)
Just be careful con quien hablas espanol.


F.O.